I’ve been pretty scared recently
For the last two months I’ve been scared. Scared that I now have to get a job and that the end of my life in education is over. A part of me didn’t want to move on and a part of me did. So I played games, chilled out and cleaned my house up a bit to get away with the reality I am facing.
It was fun at first and was probably needed. After a life of education, of course it’s going to e scary and I probably needed a rest from Uni anyway. Yet I think it has come to an end and I’ve been bored for a few weeks. I want a job and I want to do things and that means money.
It’ just that I’m scared of the future and the possibilities. I’m scared of the failures that I’ll have. It made me feel like crap.
Yet yesterday, when I graduated I suddenly realized that it didn’t have to be that way. After 3 years of University I graduated. It was such a weir feeling but it was amazing. I finally saw an end result. An end result of hard work. It made me realize that if I cared a bit more then I could have got a 1st but that’s okay, I’ve learnt from that now. I now know that working hard bares fruit and I want to remember the excitement I had as I walked up and got my degree.
So this morning there was a voice inside me. This voice always seems to pop up every now and then. When I’m scared to talk to a person or to get on with something a voice inside me comes up and just tells me to do it. I know it’s my voice, my thought but it’s a thought that completes disregards everything else and just tells me to do it.
It’s like when you read a book and the character is going through some tough time but instantly they find some courage to do something. It’s come out of nowhere and they just do it.
Today I’ve been a little more active and looked at jobs I could apply for and publishing firms I could send letters enquiring about work experience. Today something has changed and I thank God so much.
In fact I’ve been ignoring God for a while too. Yet the other day I just started praying to God again and things have somehow gotten a little lighter. Sure I’m still scared and all but it somehow feels better.
Thank you God and Thank you Spirit