Smiles With Thorns

To think…

That four months ago I didn’t think that what is happening now was possible. God has changed me so much over these past few months, changing me from the inside out and making me so much more secure in him. If God can change me in four months and bless me and unravel the hurts and pains in four months, then I can’t wait to see what he has in store for me in the next 3 months being at home. So many things I want to over summer to change me and make me more like him, oh gosh, and it all starts with God. IT ALWAYS STARTS WITH GOD. ALWAYS

mageinaglasshouse:

I really want a group of friends that I can just message “Assemble” and then they show up at my house with popcorn and chocolate and we get drunk and watch movies and play The Lord of the Rings Trivial Pursuit and cry over Loki together. 

My Besties

My two best friends, Ben and Sean are amazing. Okay….so they are my male best friends but still, I think they are pretty wonderful guys. I can be so open and honest with them which I’ve always wanted for like FOREVER. I look up to them (literally cause they are quite tall) and I see them as role models…I really do. They both have so many attributes I would love to aspire to have. Don’t get me wrong, I want to be more like God and who he wants me to be but he is definitely using these two to make me more like himself. Why? Cause I’ve never had such brilliant friends before and everyone needs friends. I see God in them and the strengths he has given them yet most of all the love which they exhibit is one from God.

MAN, CAN NOT SAY ENOUGH TO DESCRIBE HOW AMAZING THEY ARE. THEY ARE SUCH MEN OF GOD.

I actually can’t describe what they’re like without including God in it because they wouldn’t make sense if God didn’t exist in their lives. 

Why u do it now?

I have no idea why God at the moment is making me go through some personal issues during exam time. In fact, a lot of it is quite painful and I keep twisting in and out of being okay and happy with it to being in pain and wanting to cry. I wouldn’t mind much if it wasn’t during exam time, and if I wasn’t leaving uni to go home for the summer and if it wasn’t for oh so many other things. Everything else just seems to be adding to the pain of it all and I just want things to get sorted. At least tomorrow I’ll be a bit happier and have one exam off my shoulders. My last one is on Friday but I’ll like that exam because its grammar. 

 I feel like my life is changing once again, hurrah. I mean, it always is but I didn’t expect it at the end of my first year. I guess I always considered drastic changes to happen at the beginning of a new year or school year but I guess I have the summer to sort some things out.

It has been almost 2 whole years since I’ve actually stayed in Leicester for well over a month. I’ve visited at the holidays but man…its been a long time. I’m sure God wants me to be with family really because I think I need them. To be honest, I’m scared going back because I’ve built up so many good friendships in Liverpool who have supported me so much that…I almost feel like they are my family. I don’t  want to leave them, YES its for 3 months but with the things I’m going through now which is practically the same things which my friends have been helping with this whole year, I’m going to miss them. 

 Still, I must remember that I’ll be with family and I get to build up on the ties which have sustained me and build new ones. I’ve grown up so much that actually, I’m ready to fix a few things that needs to be fixed and for that to start happening, I need my family.

I’m just upset at the moment, and I just needed to write it down. 

Revision procrastinating has got me doing pilates